My life allows me to be pretty available. I have a flexible schedule that frees me to decide how I spend my days. The thing is, sometimes being available is pretty inconvenient.
I am available to do favors, run errands, and be places that are not first on my agenda. I don't always have a valid excuse for not wanting to do something.
My life at home has allowed me to be incredibly selfish with my time. I don't have to submit to anyone else's agenda and it has made my schedule pretty comfortable.
Though I fully believe that saying no is an important boundary to create (as well as a trait I possess pretty well). For me, I am one of those who needs to be better at saying yes.
I recently went back to that notebook and found this quote I wrote down:
We later had a family emergency which ended up requiring my time, energy, and presence for the majority of the week. So much for a catch up and restful week.
And then I read this quote and was reminded of the heart that originally got me to this place in life. I wanted to be available. I did not want to be burdened by a busy life that I could not drop it all for the sake of others. I realized that over the years I had slowly lost sight of the calling I had for being at home and filled it with focusing solely on my own needs and desires.
Over the last few months I have been feeling a nudge on my heart to come back home. To look at life how I used to in our early years of marriage. As the world continues to churn out more fast paced distractions, I want to step back, assess, and cautiously move forward. I want to be available to a bigger plan and simply let go of the rest.