Hard Days


A few weeks ago I had one of those hard marriage days.  You know those ones...the HARD ones.  Heart wrenching pain ones.  I love my husband and we believe in a gracious God.  And so through it we became stronger and closer. 

But it really opened my eyes to my own life...my role as wife...my faith.  And I realized how selfish I have been for probably the past year...yep, year.  I have shared tid-bits of this struggle with you all...trying to find my purpose, dealing with difficult people, being okay with being at home...and for a moment I was able to get through it only to find myself in the same slump a few weeks later.

I could not figure out what it would take to get myself in the right direction again.  As days and weeks and months passed I tried and tried to figure it out.  And then that HARD day came...

Broken, on my knees, surrendering all of who I am...turning over my life again to a Lord I once passionately followed.  It was like he was saying, "Ashley, what is it going to take for you to follow me again?"  Apparently heart wrenching pain...


My husband and I are good.  I love him more than anything else on this earth.  We have been able to move forward.  And though it was hard, it was what I needed.  I needed to be broken.  My eyes have opened to the person I was created to be...and it is time to start living like it.

I try so hard to be a good wife...cooking, cleaning, trying to look good, take care of my husband, be nice...but at the end of the day if I am not a wife on my knees daily praying for my husband and our life...I have failed at the wife my husband deserves.

I recently stumbled upon this post I wrote back in 2009...weeks before I got married.  I was a starry eyed soon to be married woman.  I was so excited for the life ahead of me...the calling I felt on my life...reading it again reminded me of the woman I want to be and once had my eyes set on. 

My heart is fuller than it has been in a long time.  It is sometimes those difficult seasons that you just have to suck it up and get through.  But I have changed.  I finally have the joy again that only comes from the Lord and I am ready to live my life. 

How have hard times changed you?

12 comments:

  1. How sweet. thank you for this reminder. I needed to hear this as well :) God is so good to us in teaching us through our difficulties even when they are HARD and no fun!

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  2. what a great reminder, thank you. it's amazing what we learn in the suckiest of times {and yes suckiest is a word :)}

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  3. I have SO been there. And I'm sure there are more days like that to come. B/c lets face it I'm stubborn... I have busy days where I forget or don't make time for the Lord and wonder why I'm grumpy or not grateful etc....
    But then I remember God's been waiting for me this whole time, he's with us during all our "messy" and tough days even when we don't acknowledge him. And for that I am super grateful! I'm also so thankful that when we do mess up God's grace is enough to cover it all up :)

    Btw love the pics of you and your hubby. You two are precious.
    xoxo

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  4. Oh Ashley, seriously, is like you KNOW when something is happening to me. I am going thru that right now. He slept in the couch last night (a first in 5 yrs). I have to say that I am going to be hard headed and state this time is HIS fault. What we do staying at home it's so hard, but if the other person does not appreciate it it makes things harder...

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  5. Hi Ashley! I've been reading your blog for a while, but I don't think I've commented yet. =) This was a great post. I have definitely had those days where I am confronted with my sinful nature and how it affects my marriage. As hard as those times are, sometimes they are necessary to bring us back to our foundation in Christ!

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  6. Those hard days, as hard as they are, end up being so refreshing :o)

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  7. The grace is made so prevalent through those "hard days"...& growth is imminent. And the opportunity to learn--is how the grace is manifested & I am always so grateful, in the end. But in the middle...whew! if one ever peruses waaaay back in my blog...I have had some very hard days, weeks & months--& live to tell about it. It's such a blessing to know that God's grace is sufficient.

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  8. I have been there.. only it took a divorce for my husband and I to be broken and then brought back together by a gracious God who knew that we needed to both fall and then be lifted up again. It's a difficult road, but one made easier when you look and pray to a wonderful God who only wants the best for us!!! Keep the Lord a priority and everything else will fall right in line!! Big prayers to you!! Hugs too!!

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  10. As your very close, real-life, in-person, long-time friend, I am not sure how to respond. I look forward to you expanding on this when we talk soon. I am very proud of you, but also must warn not to be too hard on yourself. I know first hand fa' real what an amazing wife you are. And much more importantly, what an amazing person you are. Be kind to yourself. Recognize your humanity and know that you are much more than you sometimes lead yourself to believe! Hang in there, love you

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  11. Thank you for being so open and sharing this Ashley! Everything you said resonated with me. I get through the hard times using prayer and by keeping myself busy. I've also started asking myself, especially when it comes to arguing with my partner..."is this argument going to be relevant a year from now?" and if its not...then I let it go.

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  12. THANK YOU, THANK YOU so much for being vulnerable to us, who are not even your close friends. It is so refreshing to see that someone that keeps the house as beautiful as you do, and where everything seems so perfect, you also are like any of us wives going through struggles!
    I am joyful you got to see God's purpose in this time and that you surrendered to Him, what a great example Ashley! Yes, I've hard many of those days, a lot of them due to my sin and I had to ask forgiveness to God and my husband for that, and as you said, God is gracious and so is my hubby.

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