I was reading a post the other day from Candice of She's Crafty and she shared about how she hasn't had a ton of time to work on projects, and instead she has been investing in her family. This post prompted me to pour out a long statement on how I was feeling the same way. As well as the confession I asked myself that morning, "Am I becoming a bitter blogger?"
As I looked back at previous week's blog posts I shared a whole lot of words...words of dealing with discontentment and needing change in my life. They have all been very positive changes in my life and I can say I am taking the steps I need in order to be a happier more focused person. But I cannot help but worry that I am draining my blog readers.
And then I tell myself I need to not worry about that. And that I need to continue to allow my blog to be a place to share and process things. And if one other person, other than myself, can be encouraged, inspired, or challenged, than that was a successful post!
The less and less I share about my home and projects...the less and less comments I get. Pageviews are not as high as they were around Valentine's Day...and I cannot help but look over to my right and feel like my followers are permanently stuck never to move up again.
And then I think to myself...am I just blogging for numbers? Because if I am than I might as well quit now. That is not fulfilling. And in order to get those numbers I want I better start neglecting my husband and home because I got a whole lot of projects and internet time to put it.
I am getting to a place of contentment in my life.
And it is a beautiful thing.
And I don't want the pressures of blogging to keep me from it.
What encourages me most about blogging? Your heart felt comments. To hear that something I shared is changing your outlook on something. I would rather have one real comment than a thousand mediocre "looks nice" comments.
I apologize if it has seemed like the last couple of weeks I have been a debbie downer. I guess I feel like as I make these changes in my life I have to accept how it changes my blog.
How it changes the type of people who read.
And how it changes me.
And it is hard.
I am learning to be okay with it all, but I am not going to lie and say it doesn't discourage me.
I have always loved to write and have found it as a way to really process and share my feelings. So for those of you who are willing to stick around, thank you for reading.
I promise there will still be pretty parties, occasional projects, and attempts at beautiful photos...but there will also be words. Honest and real words...without all the fluff.
I am reading the book, Celebrations of Discipline, and I loved this quote on desiring more depth in life:
I desire to be an honest and deep person. And sometimes it is a lot easier for me to type away how I am feeling...to then be able to walk away feeling so much better and relieved for getting something off my chest.
I think sometimes in real life I hesitate to always be this real with everyone. And, honestly, I don't think everyone wants to be this real all of the time.
So I pick and choose wisely who and when to share my deepest thoughts and concerns...all the while freely pouring out my heart to the whole internet world.
I figure if you are willing to take the time to read this far, you either totally get me and/or deeply care about me. And for that, I keep on writing...but not for a response. But for a cleansed spirit and mind to live life as a better me.
I am so thankful for those of you who are like minded and like spirited to me. Thank you. xo
And to lighten the mood a little, a commonly quoted saying in our household, as The Joker would say in The Black Knight, "Why so serious?"