February 29, 2012

Being Deep.


I was reading a post the other day from Candice of She's Crafty and she shared about how she hasn't had a ton of time to work on projects, and instead she has been investing in her family.  This post prompted me to pour out a long statement on how I was feeling the same way.  As well as the confession I asked myself that morning, "Am I becoming a bitter blogger?"

As I looked back at previous week's blog posts I shared a whole lot of words...words of dealing with discontentment and needing change in my life.  They have all been very positive changes in my life and I can say I am taking the steps I need in order to be a happier more focused person.  But I cannot help but worry that I am draining my blog readers.

And then I tell myself I need to not worry about that.  And that I need to continue to allow my blog to be a place to share and process things.  And if one other person, other than myself, can be encouraged, inspired, or challenged, than that was a successful post!

The less and less I share about my home and projects...the less and less comments I get.  Pageviews are not as high as they were around Valentine's Day...and I cannot help but look over to my right and feel like my followers are permanently stuck never to move up again.

And then I think to myself...am I just blogging for numbers?  Because if I am than I might as well quit now.  That is not fulfilling.  And in order to get those numbers I want I better start neglecting my husband and home because I got a whole lot of projects and internet time to put it.


I don't want that. 

I am getting to a place of contentment in my life. 

And it is a beautiful thing. 

And I don't want the pressures of blogging to keep me from it.

What encourages me most about blogging?  Your heart felt comments.  To hear that something I shared is changing your outlook on something.  I would rather have one real comment than a thousand mediocre "looks nice" comments.

I apologize if it has seemed like the last couple of weeks I have been a debbie downer.  I guess I feel like as I make these changes in my life I have to accept how it changes my blog. 

How it changes the type of people who read. 

And how it changes me.

And it is hard. 

I am learning to be okay with it all, but I am not going to lie and say it doesn't discourage me.

I have always loved to write and have found it as a way to really process and share my feelings.  So for those of you who are willing to stick around, thank you for reading.

I promise there will still be pretty parties, occasional projects, and attempts at beautiful photos...but there will also be words.  Honest and real words...without all the fluff.  

I am reading the book, Celebrations of Discipline, and I loved this quote on desiring more depth in life:


I desire to be an honest and deep person.  And sometimes it is a lot easier for me to type away how I am feeling...to then be able to walk away feeling so much better and relieved for getting something off my chest. 

I think sometimes in real life I hesitate to always be this real with everyone.  And, honestly, I don't think everyone wants to be this real all of the time. 

So I pick and choose wisely who and when to share my deepest thoughts and concerns...all the while freely pouring out my heart to the whole internet world. 

I figure if you are willing to take the time to read this far, you either totally get me and/or deeply care about me.  And for that, I keep on writing...but not for a response.  But for a cleansed spirit and mind to live life as a better me. 

I am so thankful for those of you who are like minded and like spirited to me.  Thank you.  xo


And to lighten the mood a little, a commonly quoted saying in our household, as The Joker would say in The Black Knight, "Why so serious?"

12 comments:

  1. I have gone through periods like this as well. Where I will make a cute craft or before/after project and get tons of traffic and comments (for my little blog with 98 followers) and then I get discouraged when I only have 15 pageviews the next day. I have recently decided that this whole blogging thing is for me. No one else. I enjoy it. It gives me an outlet. And I know my friends and family enjoy reading about what my kids are doing or getting a copy of one of my recipes. Who cares what my numbers are? I am being me. Only 98 people in the whole world wide web get me. And that's okay.

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  2. Well put! I find myself waffling between blogging because I love it and I love journaling my family... and trying to get more followers. I'm slowly finding the balance.

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  3. First off your blog is wonderful. You are human. You have ups and downs. You get down on yourself and you have great days. We all do! It's nice to know that we don't have to be perfect. You are doing a great job. I always enjoy your post regardless of if it's about life or a tea party you had. Keep being real.

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  4. Ashley, you always inspire me! Years ago when I found your blog I remember thinking I get this girl. I feel like we have similar taste and I always enjoy seeing your craft and home projects, but your writing always makes me think. You always bring up interesting points and even though I don't always join in the conversation I enjoy what you write about and the comments that others leave too. I subscribe to your blog posts by email and am always happy to see one in my inbox in the morning! I guess because of that I don't stop by your actual blog as much and I don't comment that often, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy or love what you posted.

    Also, I can relate to less comments. I usually blog about my craft projects and get alot of comments on those posts, but recently I've been working more and training for the 1/2 marathon coming up in April. I've posted a few times about running because that's what's important in my life right now, but I don't think it interests most of my followers. That's ok with me because I'm doing what makes me happy and living my life.

    You are a beautiful person! Thanks for always inspiring me and making me think more!

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  6. Hello! Forgive the "anonymous" post by me, one of these days I will go legit! Anyhoo, I think what you are going through, finding your true center in an upside down world, is fairly normal, and quite refreshing! You are making a life, from your home to your relationships, you are crafting these with purpose and care and direction. You know you need this focus and so are setting about to find your magnetic north. I would cheer you on if your were my neighbor or friend. Enjoy the journey, know when to enjoy the view!

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  7. Please continue posting "real" stuff! I may not comment as much as I should, but I love reading your blog, especially the real posts like this.
    It's a breath of fresh air. :)

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  8. I have loved your writings since the day I discovered your blog. You are my absolute favorite blogger. I subscribe to your blog by email so that I NEVER miss a thing! I do not comment often, but I read and enjoy everything you share with us. You encourage and inspire me in many ways....never stop being you....continue to be real. We love you for that!

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  9. I get you and deeply care about you friend! - CARRIE

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  10. You have given me lots to think about with your post!!! :) It's a good reminder! I love reading your blog, whether you are posting about the great projects you do or your day to day life!! I say, keep blogging about what interests you, when your are inspired to do so and as often as you want!

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  11. It is scary how alike my thoughts are to other bloggers. But this is a good thing. I don't feel so alone or wrong in my thoughts. I too sometimes get discouraged with my itty bitty blog and wonder 'why am I doing this, no one is going to read this, who cares'? I often tell myself 'you are doing it for yourself' (As Julie commented on) and this is very true and the only way it really sinks in is when I stop blogging and I feel like something is missing and that I want to get back to it.

    I recently opened up my blog to personal family and friends and I have to say I think it was the worst thing I could have done. I have never felt more censored in my blog and feel like I need to 'watch what I post' in order to portray myself in a certain 'Light'.

    Complete crap! I am slowly getting out of this mindset and just posting WHAT I WANT TO POST ABOUT because if I DON'T LIKE WHAT I'M POSTING WHY WOULD ANYONE ELSE?!

    Ashley your blog no matter the content is always a wonderful place to visit because your passion and obvious lovely nature always shines through. Even to the point where at the end of this post you say 'I figure if you are willing to take the time to read this far, you either totally get me and/or deeply care about me.' I felt very appreciated as a reader and THAT is incredibly hard to to as a writer of a blog.

    I am so sorry for the big long rant here. I just want to express my honest love for your blog and that it is ok to make it whatever you want it to be.

    Like friends as with blog readers, it's better to have a QUALITY few that will love you for you than a QUANTITY of those you need to censor yourself for. :D

    Have a beautiful day!

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You can also email me at domesticfashionista {at} yahoo {dot} com.

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