I recently had an opportunity present itself that sent me off into dreamland. I started planning and deciding about this new life that I would live. For a second I was willing to sacrifice so much because this new opportunity came with excitement, hope, and perhaps a new purpose. And while these things are good signs of where passion comes from, after weighing the reality of a completely new commitment, I eventually came to my senses and had to say no.
So much of what I have been feeling lately - loneliness, boredom, feeling stagnant, loss of motivation - seemed like they could be fixed by pouring myself into something else. When in fact I needed to get to the root of why I was feeling this way.
My husband has been so busy. Work has been crazy and grad school has been demanding. While the first few months were filled with productivity and getting extra things done I have started to walk down the road of boredom and loneliness. I have spent time shopping. That was fun for awhile but proved to be unfulfilling. And eventually I resorted to food and moping around the house.
And that is when I realized I was willing to throw myself into something else for the sake of survival and perhaps a little accountability. I was longing for something and I just didn't know what.
After some thought, I knew deep in my heart, I was already where I was supposed to be. At home, with my nephews, to blog, and to encourage woman. To be available to a husband who needs my extra support and availability during this busy season of life. And to live and tell about a simple life.
But I had lost an appreciation for the life that was in front of me. Desiring more time with my husband had me searching for ways to fill my time. When in fact this is just a season. I can fill my time but I did not need to replace it.
So quickly I was willing to give away a life I had longed for for so long and have worked hard to build to temporarily pick myself up. And sometimes when we get to a low place, sometimes we have to let those things lift us. But really I was just drowning my sorrows in junk food and Instagram. And I knew better.
So I chose to come back. To not take a huge plate of work and add it to my life. But to come back to my purpose and to how I want to spend my time. To remind myself what I am supposed to be doing with this life I have been given.
And it brought me back to my life theme I put together through the Storyline book (unfortunately no longer available). This theme is a decision filter. Donald Miller writes, "I reject any opportunity that does not reflect the theme of my life." And I knew I needed to bring back that laser focus into my life.
My theme is: Encouraging women to see their unique value and purpose.
I wrote it on a post it note and stuck it on my computer. So that when I am bored, sad, lonely, or maybe daydreaming about being swept away into something new for the sake of a change of scenery, that I would come back to where I am rooted. That I would be reminded that I have a unique value and purpose. And I need to live it. So I come here and share. Because you may need to be reminded of this as much as I do.
Sometimes we have to leap. Being brave and making the jump is hard and noble. But sometimes we have to stand firm. Because staying and fighting through can be just as brave and admirable.