I have been talking a lot about intentions lately, specifically about marriage here on the blog. But it is really getting a hold on my heart in all areas of life. I tend to be one of those who floats from one extreme to the other. I love an opportunity for intense discipline for a short period of time. They are attempts at finding balance in the long run yet I often get discouraged when I fail at my unrealistic goals. I do learn a lot and have to be kind to myself in accepting that with each step I am growing and becoming a better version of myself. But some of those deep habits that I just cannot shake are still hard to deal with even when progress has been made.
Yesterday was the beginning of Lent so I took some time to contemplate what I wanted to practice during the next forty days. In previous years I have done things like cut out sugar or fast from Facebook. Though these were good practices at curbing an ongoing obsession or waste of time I have not seen a huge change in the big picture sense. So this year instead of doing the usual routine of completely restricting myself until I fail and then just forget about my commitment all together, I am taking a different approach.
I have decided to look at my intentions. Why do I think I need to cut out sugar or fast from social media? Neither are bad or things that I need to completely take out of my life. I know there are seasons of life where I was able to have these things in my life and remain a healthy balance. I want that again. I want to look at my struggles or sin in life and see the root of the issue and try to do something to change it.
From this I considered some of the sin in my life right now:
-Overindulging in food: not so much about what I eat (I eat fairly well most of the time) but how much I eat. I often reach for food out of stress or tiredness. I realized that I do not need to cut out certain foods but instead look at my approach to food all together.
-Wasting time online: it's not just Facebook or something else...it is my time all together that is not always used wisely. Instead of cutting out Facebook (since it is the one I struggle with the most) I have decided to come to the computer as a whole with a different perspective.
In order to find a better balance of these areas in my life I am choosing to be more intentional with my time this Lenten season:
-Pause before I eat
-Sit when I eat
-Think before I eat
-Eat off a plate
-Take a break from my scale and listen to my body
With time online:
-Set intentions before sitting in front of the computer
-Set a time limit
I am far from perfect and will probably fail at one point or another. But I am tired of being so hard on myself out of intentions of selfishness and vanity. I want to take control of out of control behavior in my life because I know that I can. With the right intentions, I can find freedom to the things that hold me in bondage to living the life I truly desire.