// Some things on my heart and mind in this very busy transitional month of September:
+ I have been having chest pains again due to stress or anxiety. I realized that the first time I started having chest pains was during the same time of year - end of August/early September. Transitioning back to school is a lot. I am trying to be gentle with myself. Brent has been traveling for work a lot (currently once a week), I was really emotional about school starting, and keeping track of multiple school drops offs, pick ups, and nap times makes my head spin.
+ Brent had his annual follow up for his ulcerative colitis. As we sat there listening to the doctor he told us Brent is really close to remission. I was so caught off guard, it brought tears to my eyes. Brent’s health check ins have become so routine for us and we have been dealing with this for so long it just felt like our normal. While things have gotten better, remission was not on the forefront of our minds. What an overwhelming amount of joy and thankfulness we felt. I had just read an old post I wrote around the height of our struggles with his health. Having it fresh on my mind reminded me of how far we have come through this. And that part of our move here was in hope of having access to a really great big city doctor in Seattle. And we found an amazing one. Feeling so so grateful.
+ Something that I have been thinking a lot about this past summer is that my children have become my friends. My oldest two have become my companions and helpers. We have entered into a new season of our relationship. Mothering is less lonely when you have older kids to talk to. They want to be with me and to have me listen. I am learning to stop and give them my attention. They have been such a gift to me this summer and are so helpful at entertaining the littles. I’m learning it’s okay to prioritize or favor my time with my children. We did less play dates and just spent more time with each other. I’m investing in the rest of our lives. Seasons will come and go - for now I need to be right here with my precious children.
+ I was so sad to have summer end - our beautiful weather and a schedule that was all our own. We had slow mornings and family adventures. I’m grateful I’m learning to continue to let go because being present is such a gift. The change in weather is already giving me anxiety as I know the dark and rainy days are coming. But I don’t regret one moment of prioritizing time with my children. Time is fleeting and they are right - you can’t have these days back when your children are young. Sure we had our moments - children fighting, whining, and needing to reset. But overall, we had a really bonding summer.
+ And finally, I have to be okay with not doing anything extra is this season. I get these small pockets of time where I can do more but it doesn’t last long. I have to keep telling myself - I chose to have four children and that I wanted my family to be my priority. I am literally forced into this reality daily. It’s good and what I want. Just the people pleaser in me has a hard time saying no all the time.
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