Becoming The Person I Want to Be :: Reflecting On How I Spend My Time

ash-1I recently had a conversation with a friend about how stressed and tired I had been over the last few days.  I have chosen to live a simplified life and so when my schedule starts getting even just slightly busy my body reacts {headaches, stomachaches, tiredness, irritability, which all leads to overeating and lack of exercise}.  Having my body react in these ways is not fun but it is a physical reminder I am getting myself involved in too much. 

I have been considering taking on another very flexible sub like part time job {I am already a substitute teacher}.  When I think about it I get very excited as I think it is something I would enjoy and excel at.  Yet the process has been more work than I have wanted to jump into so I am hesitant about following through and committing. DSC_00461I have narrowed down my substitute teaching to two schools and only for teachers I know.  Yet somehow this has grown into subbing multiple days a week.  The actual job is perfect as it is flexible and I get to choose when to work and who to work for.  Yet I find myself not allowing myself to say “no” to jobs when I know I should for my own sanity. 

Over the last few months my blog has grown faster than it ever has before.  The sudden boom has been very exciting and something I have dreamed for my blog for years.  Yet somehow as my page views rise and my inbox floods with comments I cannot help but feel overwhelmed and stressed.  I pressure myself to keep the momentum going.  I tell myself this is an opportunity I can not pass up and I must be fully involved to gain more and more readers.  DSC_01641And then my husband comes home from work.  Sometimes he is stressed sometimes he is happy.  He considers his future in his career weighing the many factors of what he needs to do to plan for our future.  And as we are having this conversation I realize that I need to not take another job, I need to not substitute teach as much, and I need to let go of pressuring myself to make my blog bigger.  Instead I need to be home more.  I need to be available and attentive to him when he gets home.  Not so much because he needs me to but because that is the wife I want to be.  DSC_05211I have known this for awhile but have been too selfish to admit it.  The time I spend during the day is not a reflection of the person I want to be.  None of the things that I do are bad but they are keeping me from becoming that person I so longingly want to become.  It is time to say “no” so I can finally say “yes.” 

What has been keeping you from becoming the person you want to be?

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