Being Available

My life allows me to be pretty available.  I have a flexible schedule that frees me to decide how I spend my days.  The thing is, sometimes being available is pretty inconvenient.

I am available to do favors, run errands, and be places that are not first on my agenda.  I don't always have a valid excuse for not wanting to do something.

My life at home has allowed me to be incredibly selfish with my time.  I don't have to submit to anyone else's agenda and it has made my schedule pretty comfortable.

Though I fully believe that saying no is an important boundary to create (as well as a trait I possess pretty well).  For me, I am one of those who needs to be better at saying yes.

I have this notebook I put together before I was married.  It has notes, quotes, and thoughts on the wife I wanted to be.  For a few years before we married, I really wanted to be a wife and so as I waited on my husband to be ready, I filled a journal with my heart that was growing for marriage and a life at home.

I recently went back to that notebook and found this quote I wrote down:

The other week I cleared my schedule up.  I was feeling stressed and burdened.  And so I made zero commitments for the week so I could catch up and rest.

We later had a family emergency which ended up requiring my time, energy, and presence for the majority of the week.  So much for a catch up and restful week.

And then I read this quote and was reminded of the heart that originally got me to this place in life.  I wanted to be available.  I did not want to be burdened by a busy life that I could not drop it all for the sake of others.  I realized that over the years I had slowly lost sight of the calling I had for being at home and filled it with focusing solely on my own needs and desires.

Over the last few months I have been feeling a nudge on my heart to come back home.  To look at life how I used to in our early years of marriage.  As the world continues to churn out more fast paced distractions, I want to step back, assess, and cautiously move forward.  I want to be available to a bigger plan and simply let go of the rest.