The last few weeks I had left with my nephews were bittersweet. With the coming of our baby and moving, this was the last time I would act as caregiver for my nephews after five years. As with any other day, some days were hard while others were magically easy. I was lucky to have a little of each giving me a well rounded appreciation for what caring for these little ones has been over the years.
On one of our last days together we headed to the aquatic center at the river for an afternoon of playing in the water, throwing rocks, and enjoying a picnic lunch together. I was smart enough to bring a camping chair to place in the water so that my 37 week pregnant self could lounge while my nephews played.
Just a few days before I had not gotten enough sleep resulting in a less patient and emotionally drained aunt. It was a pleasant surprise to find myself, just a few days later, not only able to endure being out in the heat but to have energy and physical flexibility to enjoy our day at the river.
I am thankful for both days. Because it is the hard ones that make the easy and fun ones that much better. I appreciate the change in attitude and the time of bonding so much more. And as I drove the little munchkins home after a wonderful summer day together, it reminded me how fun being a mom will be.
I think I have become so blinded by the anxiety of taking care of a newborn that I forget that it is such a short season. That just because having our own child will be new and uncertain at times, I will fall into that natural place that I have found with my nephews. Sure we will have hard days, but we will also have some really great ones. That though we will be across the country from our family, I will have this little guy to adventure with. To throw rocks, to have picnics with, and to endure the good days with the bad.
I am excited to meet my son very soon but with all the changes going on in our life right now, I have been trying so hard to embrace each day left before he comes. But I am learning that in what feels like good bye is actually preparing me to say hello to a new sweet boy into my life. Sure I will miss this season with my nephews in a heart wrenching way. But at the same time I get to embrace this whole new season of nurturing and loving in ways that I have yet to understand.
It breaks my heart at times to see this chapter of my life come to a close but with any good story I know this is a turning point for something great - I just have yet to experience it. And just like the good days and the bad days of caring for my nephews, if this change wasn't so hard, I may not appreciate how wonderful the future is going to be.
