Me and my mentor back in the day of my bridal shower.
As this series goes on I cannot help but feel like the words that I share here are not so much about our husbands but as women. And even that, not just as women, but as people living a life serving others. I hate hearing that serving my husband has earned a negative stereotype. But I truly feel called that, in this life, I am called to serve and love others. So why not extend that same service and compassion to the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with?
So today's post is about finding a mentor. The other day I had just finished with meeting with my mentor and met Brent for lunch. As he asked how my time with her went I rattled on in my normal talking fashion (along with an extra caffeine boost from my Diet Coke) and began to tell him how my mentor has this amazing ability to be completely honest about revealing things about me in a kind and compassionate way. As I talked and talked, a smile crept up on his face. We had to laugh that as I confessed all my shortcomings that were revealed to me, I was reminded that he was already well aware of all of these lovely traits of mine!
The reason I laugh at my own shortcomings is because even in his most kindest well communicated way, if my husband was to point out all of my faults and selfishness, I am pretty sure there is no way that it wouldn't hurt my feelings. But in a relationship with a mentor where her role in my life is to help me be the woman I want to be, to know every little dark secret of mine, and to help me work out things through love without judgment, it provides a safe place for me to work on these less than perfect areas of my life.
My husband sheds a lot of light into my life and is the first to call me out on things. But by having a woman in my life whose role is to help me see these things makes the process so much less painful. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to hear people tell you how you really are, but I go to her wanting to know.
Besides pointing out my faults (!!!) she also is a place for me to just talk as well as a place to talk about my marriage. My husband does a great job at letting me talk his ear off but having a woman to bounce off every single little thought I have on a weekly basis helps me to sift through it all. And because she is also a married woman who is older than I am, she is able to give wisdom and share life stories of how she has dealt with some of the same issues I have.
Now I realize that finding a mentor you trust can be a difficult process. I have sought out women mentors in my life probably since I was in high school and have had many difficult seasons where I needed an older woman to come beside me in counsel but was unable to find the right fit. I literally showed up at my mentor's doorstep a few months ago after I had drifted into a season of depression and realized that when I truly need that accountability in my life, someone is willing to show up. I would love to have one on one counseling with someone every week of my life but unless I want to pay a therapist, this is unrealistic. I have realized that sometimes it is in straying away on my own that I am reminded the value and importance of having accountability in my life and, as a result, make room in my schedule for it.
My point to this is that, don't be afraid to ask for help and don't be afraid to initiate a relationship with a woman older than you that you admire and respect to pour into your life for a season. I love my girlfriends, my mom, and other women family members but sometimes I need someone outside of my everyday circle to be a safe place to vent, cry, confess, and allow them to be completely honest with me in a caring and non-judgmental way.
Having this in my life makes me a better person which in turn allows me to better serve and love my husband.
// Find all posts from 31 Days of Serving My Husband here.