October 3, 2013

31 Days of Serving My Husband: Day 3--Being His Support


One of my number one roles in our marriage is to be my husband's support.  I am his biggest cheerleader, I strive to make his life easier, richer, and more enjoyable, and I put his needs before other areas of my life and also try my best (even with a selfish human nature) to put him before myself.

I think in any marriage relationship we want to be this support but actually making it happen takes a lot of work.  I have chosen to adjust my calendar, my own agenda, the amount of work outside (and inside!) of the home that I take, and my own often selfish desires to honor this role of supporter to my husband.

He works very hard to provide for our family, cherishes me beyond what I deserve, and considers me in all of his decisions.  Not only does he deserve my support, but I honestly feel called to support him as his wife...even if he wasn't all of those things.  I adore my husband, but he is just as human as you and I.  I support him because he is my husband.  And quite ironically, when I can give up of myself for him (and vice versa), our relationship seems to thrive so much more.

I remember deciding early on that I wanted to make myself available and flexible with my time for my husband's sake.  Life does not always allow this, but for the most part, I make room in my life to be available when he needs me.

I remember it was while I was still working as a substitute teacher, I overheard a stay at home mom jokingly say that when her husband complains that the house is a mess her excuse is that she is too busy being involved in her kid's life by being at their school everyday.  I have nothing against her being involved in her children's lives (or even a less than perfect home!), but as an outsider, it seemed to me that she was using her children as an excuse to not be more available to her husband's needs.


I had a similar situation that occurred in a conversation I had with a teacher I was working with.  She shared with me that she could never tell her husband that they could have a weekend just for themselves because she always had work to do.  Even if they were just hanging out at home there was always something she was working on.  Now I understand that teachers give a lot for their students (one of the reasons why I decided it wasn't for me!) but I know plenty of teachers who are willing to put their work aside for their husband and family.

I realize that every person's situation, excuses, and reasoning are different.  But hearing these women's stories perked up my ears and made me wonder what the bigger issue was about.  Because the thing is, at least in my life, if my husband's needs are not being met and he does not feel supported enough, it's not because I am too busy doing something noble, it usually stems back to my own busyness or selfishness. 

As we go about our own individual, unique to ourselves, lives, as wives I think it is important to consider where our priorities lie.  Children, jobs, responsibilities, other relationships and our homes are all important aspects of our lives, but when things start getting unbalanced, too often we allow our husband's to be the first to get put on the back burner.

When I start to notice a sense of separation between my husband and I, I try to asses what is going on at the moment.  What am I doing right now?  Could I be doing this right now in his presence?  Can I put it off until later in order to spend time with him?  Have I connected with him yet since he has came home from work?

And sometimes other things need to come first.  And that is okay.  But if other things are coming first all the time, I need to start checking back in with myself to see where my priorities lie. 

31 Days of Serving My Husband

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6 comments:

  1. !!!! okay now MY ears are perking up. did you want to go into teaching and then decide not to?! i have been teaching for the past 4 years...and this is the first year i stopped. said "no more." our first year of marriage was last year --- and marriage + teaching (for me) =ed NOT serving my husband, our home, and our little family sufficiently. so whether the world (or my parents) understood it or not, i didn't care. i stopped teaching. for our family. and i can't tell you how different the aura in our home is now. it's what God wanted for us!!! TOTALLY feel you girl.

    xx
    elise

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  2. I've always had a job that allows me to be very available to my family... and with my kids hitting 8 and 10 and I started subbing this year, with a prayer and calling to become a High School teacher... I am finding the focus on balance to be the best one I have made. My home is clean, but if I am too tired when I get home, I need to figure out how to adjust that so I can give my husband the back or head rub he needs... and take care of the kids' needs without being overly selfish with my time. :) Great post (I am enjoying these!)

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  3. Couldn't agree more with you. Love this.

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  4. I love this post! Sometimes I have to remind myself that "we make time for what's important to us" and take a look at what I'm spending my time on.

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