One of my number one roles in our marriage is to be my husband's support. I am his biggest cheerleader, I strive to make his life easier, richer, and more enjoyable, and I put his needs before other areas of my life and also try my best (even with a selfish human nature) to put him before myself.
I think in any marriage relationship we want to be this support but actually making it happen takes a lot of work. I have chosen to adjust my calendar, my own agenda, the amount of work outside (and inside!) of the home that I take, and my own often selfish desires to honor this role of supporter to my husband.
He works very hard to provide for our family, cherishes me beyond what I deserve, and considers me in all of his decisions. Not only does he deserve my support, but I honestly feel called to support him as his wife...even if he wasn't all of those things. I adore my husband, but he is just as human as you and I. I support him because he is my husband. And quite ironically, when I can give up of myself for him (and vice versa), our relationship seems to thrive so much more.
I remember deciding early on that I wanted to make myself available and flexible with my time for my husband's sake. Life does not always allow this, but for the most part, I make room in my life to be available when he needs me.
I remember it was while I was still working as a substitute teacher, I overheard a stay at home mom jokingly say that when her husband complains that the house is a mess her excuse is that she is too busy being involved in her kid's life by being at their school everyday. I have nothing against her being involved in her children's lives (or even a less than perfect home!), but as an outsider, it seemed to me that she was using her children as an excuse to not be more available to her husband's needs.
I realize that every person's situation, excuses, and reasoning are different. But hearing these women's stories perked up my ears and made me wonder what the bigger issue was about. Because the thing is, at least in my life, if my husband's needs are not being met and he does not feel supported enough, it's not because I am too busy doing something noble, it usually stems back to my own busyness or selfishness.
As we go about our own individual, unique to ourselves, lives, as wives I think it is important to consider where our priorities lie. Children, jobs, responsibilities, other relationships and our homes are all important aspects of our lives, but when things start getting unbalanced, too often we allow our husband's to be the first to get put on the back burner.
When I start to notice a sense of separation between my husband and I, I try to asses what is going on at the moment. What am I doing right now? Could I be doing this right now in his presence? Can I put it off until later in order to spend time with him? Have I connected with him yet since he has came home from work?
And sometimes other things need to come first. And that is okay. But if other things are coming first all the time, I need to start checking back in with myself to see where my priorities lie.
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