I was afraid of this. I knew if I started writing 31 days straight about serving my husband, about having a wonderful marriage, it was going to be a bigger than normal challenge. After a terrible fight we had recently I questioned myself for even thinking I could give any advice on marriage. But that is how life works. We can have a great marriage but we still have really hard days. So today I share out of humility and wanting to live a life that I preach.
It is easy to be content with a life of mediocrity. To not sacrifice self for another. To just go through life together emotionless or not confronting issues. But I want a marriage that thrives. And in order to thrive we have to hash it out. And that is not fun at all. But it is healing and freeing and leads to redemption and happiness.
So as I give advice, share stories, and try to encourage you all to serve your husbands, let me just tell you that it is sometimes really, really, REALLY hard for me to live up to this as well. Not because I do not want to or that my husband is horrible (because he is far from!!!). But because I am human and selfish. And so is my husband. But when he gets all super-human and selfish it is not my job to point fingers, run away, or become prideful. That is when deep within myself I have to dig into that heart of mine that loves my husband, and serve him just the same as I would when he has flowers and chocolates in hand.
And the same goes for me--when it is my turn to be selfish, self-centered, and controlling...I have to own it. And apologize and ask for forgiveness. And be okay with taking the blame. And not make excuses for my behavior. Did you hear me? NOT MAKE EXCUSES. I know we all do it. It's not my fault I act ridiculous sometimes! It's hormones or someone else's fault!
No, it is my fault and I have to accept it.
That being said, I want you to know that my life is not always perfect. I know you know that. But I think sometimes we forget that in this whole blog world thing. Of course I am not going to share our dirty laundry with the internet. But I want you to know, that when you try to do the right thing, when you try to serve with all your heart, it is still going to lead to disappointment. But that is not an excuse to quit.
When your husband is fuming, walking into the other room, or shut you out in one way or another, give it time. Don't run away or lash out. Let the boiling water simmer down. Try to talk even if it takes five talks to finally get to an agreement. Listen, ask yourself how you could have made the situation better (and admit it!), and see the bigger picture.
In the midst of our argument, a friend of mine was supposed to come by and help me with something. When I texted her to tell her coming over was not going to work anymore she asked why. I told her about our argument and basically that "I was being controlling and not giving my husband his own space in our house." And you know what she said? Bless her heart. "I have heard that before too."
There was so much comfort in those words. To know we are not alone. To know we are normal. And to be reminded this too shall pass.
So today I want to leave you with this. I get it.
I have been there. I too have heard my husband speak those too honest and hurtful words revealing my own selfishness and self-centeredness. But I am hear to say, you will get through it. Love when it is hard. And say sorry even when it is the last thing you want coming out of your mouth. Serve your husband when you feel like he doesn't deserve it.
It will soften his heart in time and I promise you it will be worth it.
If you have a heavy heart right now, know you are not alone. Sweet, dear friend, I get it. Hang in there. I am holding you in my thoughts and prayers today. xo
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