Thoughts on Marriage: Retraining My Mind and Learning from Regret

*Update since launch date: 31 Days of Serving My Husband: The Devotional in paperback is now available on Amazon!!  Combine that with prime shipping, if you have it, and you are getting a sweet deal!  Find it on Amazon here or read more about the book and ebook here.

I have never regretted spending too much time with my husband.  What I have regretted is not listening.  Not being present.  Not apologizing when I should have.

So often it is easier for me to live in my current emotion which usually doesn't allow me to see the whole picture.  It is when I am able to bring myself to look outside my initial mindset and see the bigger issue at hand that I can make wiser decisions.  When I can mentally get myself through the slump of my own thoughts, sacrifice, and show generosity of heart towards my husband--that I have never regretted.

I have never regretted being too nice.  Showing too much forgiveness.  Or giving too much of my time to my husband.  Because even though I love him more than anything else in this world, it is often so much easier to be distracted and not offer these things.

I have good intentions.  But it is in my distractions that I regret not being more present or aware of my husband's needs.

But making these "good for our relationship" type decisions do not come naturally.  They have come through discipline and training of my mind.  I am a heavy thinker that often over analyzes, flies by the seat of my emotions, and too often cannot see outside of my own toxic thoughts.  So I have purposefully had to retrain my mind to remind myself of the truth in a matter both in my marriage and in my life in general.  

When I catch myself in a not very happy moment with my husband I ask myself some of the following things...
  • What is really making me upset?
  • What is making him upset?
  • Have either of you been giving each other enough attention?  Is this argument a cry for attention?
  • Is this an argument worth having?  Is this really an issue or are one of you just being selfish?
  • Do you feel stressed about something else that is causing your reaction?

And after I ask myself some of these questions, they get followed up with these reminders...
  • Your husband loves you.
  • Share your concern for the matter and then forgive.  Do not hold on to an issue just because you want to.
  • If something outside of your control is stressing him out, make sure to ask him about it.  Give him more attention.  And pray for whatever is on his plate right now.

So though I will continue to make mistakes, regrets, and imperfectly selfish human decisions, I want to strive to be better.  And this usually begins in both my mind and heart.  Because I want to be better.  My husband deserves better.  And when I am better, oddly enough, we are usually better.

Photos courtesy of Daly Focus Photography.


Today Sage of Sage Grayson Coaching is sharing her thoughts on my new book, 31 Days of Serving My Husband: The Devotional.  Be sure to check out her review as well as find some encouraging inspiration at living a purposeful and productive life!

Today's post is part of a week long series promoting my new book, 31 Days of Serving My Husband: The Devotional.  Would you be willing to devote 31 days to bettering your marriage?  I bet your marriage is worth it.